Disheartened

I consider myself to be pretty consistent in posting twice a week on this little blog of mine. However this past month I have simply walked away. I was confronted with the realization that I am running a rant blog, what a blow to my self-esteem it was to see that my voice, my opinions and my advice is associated with such a negative word. After my vacation from the blogosphere I have decided that I will not be silenced, if my voice is not worth hearing then don’t listen. That being said, I will continue on my merry way, accepting constructive criticism, but continuing to write with my own best judgment.

I’ve always struggled with low self-esteem. In all honesty who hasn’t? I don’t think anyone loves themselves like they should. I bet nearly all of my readers immediately thought of someone you know who seems to love themselves a bit too much huh? Yeah, me too… However that’s not really conducive to my point and I would imagine that said people probably only display such high levels of confidence in public. Fake it ’til you make it right?

Anyways, I’m not sure that we as humans can love ourselves properly. Isn’t that why we feel lonely? Isn’t that why we surround ourselves with loving friends and cats?

At some point we find ourselves alone, no humans or cats around. And sometimes, even when surrounded by the living we feel as though we are walking amongst empty graves.

At this point I could talk about how we are never truly alone and how everyone feels this way, the usual spiel. Personally, I hate that speech. When I hear it instead of hearing the encouragement it is supposed to convey, I only hear “You are wrong for feeling this way. You are not special. Suck it up.” Maybe its a personal problem but I don’t want to be fixed. I want to be understood.

Emotions aren’t rational. They’re wild and unpredictable. They seek validation.

Love yourself even when life tells you not to; and stay myndful.